By Stefanie Nguyen
It is a general assumption that any relationship takes effort and communication—including friendship. These bonds between people require nurturing, attention and trust. In the past, proximity would be an important factor to keep relationships going, but luckily there is technology in the 21st century. Aspects including the internet and cellphones have allowed people to foster relationships at all times, across all distances, near and far. It is easier to see and speak to someone almost instantaneously, no matter what time or where in the world now. In short, there are no excuses to not have, create or maintain relationships with anyone at any given time. All of this has never been more convenient and necessary now that the coronavirus pandemic has forced distance upon us.
Staying in Touch
The aspect of communication is important for everyone, but especially as an expat. It becomes very apparent when you move away from your home, that your relationships with people will change for better or for worse. When you begin to acclimate to your new home, one thing you have to do is willingly make friends. Friendship is a very active effort, a two-way street that involves reciprocation with time and communication. I moved from the United States to the Netherlands – a completely different continent that is 9 hours ahead from my native home in California. I gave my local Dutch phone number to my close friends I normally texted with in the states, but I eventually found that using social media was just as effective. People tend to check social media and share interesting things with one another on various platforms, so I’d find that conversations would just begin or evolve on Facebook or Instagram. Email was also another method I used with people I was not too close to, or former coworkers I somewhat kept in touch with. I did not do too much FaceTime or video chat in the first six months of living abroad, just because of the 9-hour difference that would sometimes be difficult to time perfectly, since I could be waking up when people were already in bed. I was not working, so I had more flexibility with my time, though many I knew at home had their regular schedules of working.
Lockdown
Then one day, the pandemic news hit. At first, it was a grave reality in China during Christmas, then it made its way to Europe, exploding in Italy. During this time, I was still a spectator, reading and seeing this information in the news as a resident of the Netherlands. I carried on, still free to dine out or meet friends for an outing. Suddenly, without warning, we went into lockdown on March 16th, when you could see businesses being ordered to cease operations by 6pm. At that moment, what was normal would change, for a time we did not know how long would last—and still don’t know. All of the sudden, we were restricted to essential outings for groceries only and many being called on to work from home. Meeting up with friends was no longer an option. The streets that were usually filled with pedestrians or the symbolic biking of the Netherlands were suddenly empty without signs of life. Luckily, I was still able to take my dog out to the parks everyday to use the restroom, but my walks were much more silent, almost eerie. At the time the Netherlands went into lockdown, I recall speaking to friends at home in the U.S., who did not take the virus seriously, as it had not yet spread to the west, making it understandably less of a reality. However, the U.S. government then enforced a travel ban for Europe, one of the first preventative measures before the virus propelled the U.S. into having one of the highest number of cases in the world. Eventually, the U.S. began to follow suit with working from home. At this point, I felt like everyone at home was on similar footing as I was, since we were bound to our homes for isolation.
Shared Hobbies
Suddenly, I had a lot more in common with my friends and family as an expat abroad. I’ve always realized that everyone across the world usually has similar goals of survival – working, eating and sleeping. We all share the same needs and reality everyday – they just look different across the world. With many countries and people isolated in their homes, we all faced similar difficulties of navigating constant time in a shared space with loved ones, as well as the monotony of free time aside from working. Almost instantly, social activities, going to the gym, dining out and being in crowded spaces were not a reality anymore. Everyone retreated into their homes, sometimes not leaving for days or weeks. I saw more people exploring their hobbies and cooking every meal in their homes—things I did before the virus hit, simply because I had the time to do so without working. My reality had already changed significantly after my move abroad compared to those at home, but the pandemic created a relatable commonality, despite the distance. I saw many people at home beating boredom with puzzles and baking, things I did simultaneously, despite being oceans apart. Since people were at home more often, it created flexibility in their schedules for working. It had become more feasible to FaceTime and connect with video chat, despite the time differences.
I had 7 months of a “normal” life in the Netherlands and was still finding my footing as an expat before the pandemic. I was looking for ways to feel fulfilled, while also building friendships from scratch. I had made friendships with varying degrees of formality. There were some I just completely stopped talking to during lockdown, while others I still spoke to. I believe some of this drifting was unsurprising, given the casual nature of some friendships. Once lockdown restrictions began being lifted, it was interesting to see some friendships carry on, while others simply ended. One day I was biking when I realized I saw a friend I’d spent time with twice in the past, had given birth to her baby and was pushing a stroller. It was a change to see her no longer pregnant and symbolic that time had passed in lockdown—but also, an indication of our camaraderie or lack of it. Expat friendships can be fleeting or for life, but the pandemic has highlighted the strengths of them.
Staying Connected
The pandemic has given way to a new normal in a number of ways. It has highlighted that mental health is so important, as is checking up on eachother in this time of significantly reduced face-to-face human interaction. Communication is even more ingrained in our lives than ever before since physical proximity has become less of a reality. I had former coworkers reach out alongside family and friends to see how the situation was with the pandemic in the Netherlands. While the world increased its physical distance with one another, it also increased communication with my friendships from home. The pandemic, coupled along with being an expat, is almost a test that no one asked for, but very telling of where you might stand with someone as far as your status in their life.
Photo by Womanizer WOW Tech on Unsplash
