It’s time to not just accept change, but to ride that wave…
“Life is Flux” — Heraclitus
Or, as it’s often represented: the only constant is change.
There’s no denying that life is a series of never-ending challenges and changes. And if you’ve been around long enough, it may seem like life mischievously singles you out, and constantly throws curveballs in your direction that trip you up just when you’re gaining momentum.
Your life, your job, and even your relationships are always changing, and oftentimes, life forces you to adapt to situations and realities you didn’t plan for. And while the philosophers go on and on about how change forces you to grow and become a better person, that doesn’t make the process of change, the fears leading up to it, and the adjustments post-change any easier.
Why we hate (yes, hate) change
The fear of the unknown is what makes change seem unbearable. In fact, not knowing what the future holds actually stresses us out more than knowing for a fact something bad will happen in the future. When we can’t anticipate something, we feel like we’re not in the driver seat of our lives anymore—which shifts us into panic mode.
When we anticipate a big change in our life, our fears become louder than reason and cloud our judgment—we are programmed to be afraid of it, rather than to embrace it. Our minds spiral out of control and fabricate hundreds of worst-case-scenario thoughts that make us toss and turn at night—but most of these scenarios will likely never even happen.
Think about it: most things you’ve worried about in the past either didn’t happen or weren’t as scary as your mind makes them out to be. Your survival instincts have always kicked in to help you adjust when you thought you’d be defeated.
It’s easier said than done. Life can blindside you in an instant. Experiences can change your perception of yourself or the world, give you insomnia from how your mind spins to mull over a problem or leave you with deep grief and sorrow. And the strange thing about all of these moments is that something weirdly unexpected can come out of them: character growth and self-discovery.
Resilience builds character — and change drives resilience
This is where character comes into play: Instead of doubting our ability to adapt to change, we need to become so confident in our strength and resilience that we welcome change with open arms.
It would be easier to ignore our fears and anxieties about change—but avoidance is the easy way out and it undermines the sole purpose of change in our life: to make us stronger, smarter, and to open our minds. It fails to make use of our values and character when we sweep our fears under the rug rather than facing them and learning from them — and it certainly doesn’t help us grow.
Each time you conquer the fear of change by making use of your courage, you’ll discover a new sense of power and strength. And if you take the time to learn from change, rather than fear it, guess what? The next time you encounter change, you will have more confidence to handle it well.
A Case for CHANGE
Before we discuss strategies that will help you accept change gracefully, let’s dive deeper into exactly how change can help to develop character, and why being vulnerable to change is one of the best things we can do for personal growth.
Change teaches you that unfavorable circumstances are not permanent.
Stagnancy—the opposite of change—is an issue we struggle with too. When we don’t advance within our personal and professional lives, we often start to feel cooped-up, uninspired, and burnt-out.
Whether you’re stuck in an unfulfilling dead-end job, tired of a one-way relationship, or you’ve hit a creative block that seems unbreakable, change is what you need.
And while change often comes when we don’t want it, change also reminds us that no matter how stuck we feel in a situation, there’s always a way out.
Change opens new doors
When change hits, you can react in one of two ways: you can dig-in, complain, and resist for the sake of resisting (which feels bad and spends a lot of emotional energy), or you can acknowledge it and discover what to do next. And since change is inevitable, it’s much handier to learn to do the latter.
Losing your job means you can seek out a career that’s more aligned with your aspirations. Ending a relationship means you now have the freedom to travel to the places you dream about and make decisions without anyone else’s input.
To be clear: both of these situations are really freaking hard, can be extremely painful, and can require a lot of grieving. This is about ignoring the pain of change — change is sometimes really horrible. But, your character is what helps get you through. When you’re able to connect to your courage and your curiosity about what might emerge as a result change, when you are able to trust in your own fortitude and resilience, you can know that you have resources that can make the experience of change less challenging.
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Change heightens your confidence
Change forces you to tap into new resources, both internal and external. When change occurs in your life, you can develop new skills, belief systems, and values in order to succeed in your new circumstances.
And in most cases, the new ideas you discover and the skills you’re required to use reveal a higher level of personal potential.
Changes (sometimes) forces you to fail
Benjamin Franklin said, “When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.”
Many successful people, such as Thomas Edison, Maya Angelou, Johnny Cash, and Steve Jobs failed countless times before they ever succeeded. And guess what? So will you.
Every time you fail, you learn how to do it better next time. Every time change knocks you down, you learn new ways to get back up. Here are a few things you can do to start harnessing the constructive power of change.
#1. Don’t let the past rob you of the future.
When something negatively affects our life, our knee-jerk reaction is often to assign blame — to others, the gods, the weather… the list goes on and on. And we often blame ourselves. We spend hours brooding over the mistakes we might’ve made and what we could’ve done better.
Ok, maybe the whole negative thing was your fault — and maybe it was the weather. You can ruminate on the thing that went badly, but it is now in the past. Don’t get stuck there. Instead of dwelling on the past (which you can’t change), shift focus to the present. What did that experience teach you that you can use today? When you move forward, how will your knowledge of the past help create positive changes in the future? When your mind is stuck in the past, you limit your creativity for the future.
#2. Focus on the benefits.
Many people that endure a drastic life change remember it as a pivotal moment that pointed them in a better direction than they were going before.
Undesirable circumstances in life often lead us in a direction that will leave us happier, more fulfilled, and better aligned with our highest aspirations. So instead of endlessly repeating about what change has taken from you, what if you broadened your focus to include benefits that the change may have may be giving to you. You don’t need to pretend that the yucky stuff happened, but don’t forget that there might be some good in there, too.
#3. Don’t let fear sit in the driver’s seat.
“All change is BAD!” is the mantra of people who fear anything changing — even when it changes for the better. The fear of the unknown can deter you from accepting or stimulating change in your life. For example, someone may be in an unhappy relationship, but the fear of being alone convinces them to stay in a situation they don’t like — the security of the familiar beats the fear of the unknown.
When you let fear determine your decisions, you can’t see past the potential shock that changes causes, and you’re robbed of the bigger potential and joy that is on the other side of your initial fear.
#4. Access your vault of ideas and dreams.
Somewhere within you are dreams and aspirations that are undiscussed, unacknowledged, and unfulfilled. Maybe they cross your mind daily, maybe you don’t even remember what they are because of the fear of pursuing them felt so scary you tuned them out.
When change — unexpected or planned — happens, you can find yourself at a crossroads wondering which path to take next. This is where your dreams can help you — if you listen to what they are saying. Maybe the time is right to live out a dream:
“Yes, I will actually run away with the circus!”
Or maybe your dream of being a comic book illustrator can inform how you make your next move:
“I’m excited about my promotion in the legal department, but I need to make sure that I budget my time differently in this new job. I’m committing to weekly art classes because artistic creativity is something I value.”
You can use change to look into your reserve of ideas and desires and figure out which ones you can use to help this experience of change feel satisfying — even if it is also difficult. These possibilities will get you excited about what the future holds, and change can feel less scary.
No matter how intense change can seem, it’s one of the most powerful forces that drive innovation and propels life forward. So next time you’re confronted with it, reconsider your approach to it. Change can be a productive teacher if you examine it and figure out its benefits. Doing that while noticing your ability to be curious and courageous in the face of change, now that shows character.
