By Toufic Hakim, PhD
What we can do and learn when we’re in a state of discord and crisis?
We’ve all heard the quote by Martin Luther King Jr. suggesting that how we respond to adversity is a manifestation of our true character. In today’s reality, this notion could not be more pertinent. “Our ultimate measure as people,” as the paraphrased statement goes, “is where we stand in times of conflicts and crises, not in moments of comfort and convenience.” Today, with our collective inner (and outer) world mired in crisis and conflict, the challenge for us as human beings is to transform what conflict means to us and how we address it.
First, we have to believe that a world of peace is possible. Peace is a state of mind and a worldview; it’s a quality of our inner experience, a state of being as well as a state of relating and doing. If we don’t believe that we can live peaceably together as human beings, whether it’s in our households, in our organizations, or in our global community, then what is the meaning of anything we do? If we interpret “peace within” as simply an ideal of constant happiness, then we may be undertaking a lifelong fool’s errand. Peace, once redefined, is within reach.
We can’t lose hope in this possibility. Each of us commonly contributes to creating conflict, even when we’re not fully aware of it. Don’t we? We often try to resolve challenging situations as if they’re outside of us, as if they’re caused by or belong to someone else. We come in with our own judgments and assumptions, losing the ability to see any difficult exchange from the other’s point of view. Moreover, we need to recognize and sense whatever conflict exists within us, which often exacerbates our view of (and reaction to) any conflict we experience around us, and discover how we can transcend it and eventually transform it.
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So how do we stop ourselves from losing hope when there is so much conflict that could, we worry, take us down? It’s been said that people of character fall back onto themselves. That means that when I’m a person of strong character, I can support myself from within when the external world seems to be closing in on me.
Peace of mind simply means recognizing a situation, even if it’s sad or overwhelming, and accepting that it’s okay to be sad or overwhelmed while analyzing why it affects us in this way. And that I have what it takes to make it through, whole, to the other side.
Imagine you’re confronted with a problem. That problem might be affecting you or your loved ones. In a certain mindset, you might see only one potential solution— you remove the problem or find a way to solve it. You work diligently to find the answer, pouring your heart and soul into the effort, and no solution comes. You might assume that you’ve failed.
But imagine another mindset, one that sees two potential outcomes. Either you solve the problem or, when you gain better understanding, you discover that while you can’t solve it you can get through it. In this mindset, you don’t succeed or fail— you simply choose one of two approaches.
Second, we must accept that our emotional and spiritual growth generally happens through conflict. The latter cannot be eliminated; we must learn to be curious about it instead of being activated by it; we could develop the skill to understand it, navigate it, and transform it. That’s the only way to transcend it.
It is commonly assumed that conflicts arise when differences among us clash. I would argue that social harmony doesn’t come from sameness. There is no ecology there; just lemmings! The beauty of life, to build on a French proverb, lies within the very differences we see in each other. Differences exist. Fighting them with the intent to eliminate them will drive us more deeply into chaos and suffering. Instead, let’s examine them and explore them; let them invite us to new spaces of engagement.
Developing strength of character gives us the power to change what we can and move gracefully through the things we cannot… And harness the wisdom and clarity to know the difference, as the serenity prayer reminds us. We can start with ourselves: face our fears, examine our beliefs, listen to learn, and stretch to argue a different viewpoint. If we can do that, there’s no conflict that we cannot overcome—whether in the world or within ourselves.
Toufic Hakim, PhD, is as much a spiritualist as a scientist who spent two decades in university professorships and senior management roles. A former executive, he invests his time today thinking about organizational development, designing frameworks for empowering teams and organizations to become more humanistic and community-leaning. Fluent in various languages, he calls the US his physical home and considers himself a citizen of the world. He dedicates his efforts with Group i&i Consultancy and the Foundation for Self Leadership toward advancing a more peaceful future for all.
