By Jaime Hollander
The importance of apology was one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned. It’s also a powerful business tool.
I’m still not entirely sure what did or didn’t happen. I was relatively new to the workforce and managing projects that, 15 years later, would give me anxiety. Then the high stakes and full-on pressure didn’t phase me, though. Being young and in over your head has its perks.
The company I worked for was moving fast and flying by the seat of its pants: I was running events I had no experience running, and onsite activations were being handled by a team of untrained, untested interns. It was very exciting and very hectic. And then one day an intern misspoke—or, maybe, I misinformed her. An important client got a very angry phone call from a customer and, in turn, both my office line and my old school cell phone started ringing off the hook. The client was yelling. The customer was yelling. And I had no simple way to make things right. Making the problem go away would cost thousands and thousands of dollars that my meager budget just couldn’t accommodate.
With my boss on vacation I wandered into his boss’ office. I’d always admired her and this certainly wasn’t how I’d envisioned our first big sit-down. I explained the situation and explained the backlash—we’d have to spend a tremendous amount of money to make this right with the customer and, beyond that, we could potentially lose business with our client. To me, it felt hopeless and I couldn’t see a way out.
But the boss’ boss didn’t react. She just asked if I’d apologized. I had, I told her. She pressed, though, saying I’d likely not apologized “right.” I’d likely made an excuse or added a few too many “buts” to my anxious explanation. I’d likely downplayed their angst—both the client and the customer’s—without even realizing it. Then she told me how to apologize like a pro.
#1. Say, “I’m so sorry.”
#2. State very clearly and very simply that, “there’s no excuse for what happened.”
#3. Then, explain what we’re doing right now to ensure this doesn’t happen again.
#4. Lastly, apologize again—and ask if there’s any way we can make this right.
That was it. No excuses. No long-winded explanations. No searching for answers that, let’s face it, would just mitigate some of my guilt but, in reality, wouldn’t fix anything.
Related Posts
Criticism Can Build Character. Stop Avoiding It.
Is Fear Of Judgement Hurting Your Character?
Now More Than Ever, We Need Personal Values
So I tried it. I called the customer who continued to rant and rave at me. I hit the four points and he became silent. He had nothing to say in response—because, really, what can you say to that? I called the client next and got the same reaction—he even thanked me for closing the loop.
In the 15-plus years since learning this “secret” to a powerhouse apology, I’ve used it countless times in work and in life, and always with the same end result. I can’t figure out where it’s power lies. Maybe it’s just so humble and transparent that there’s really nothing more to say. Or maybe we’re all just too conditioned to cover up our mistakes and hide our missteps under lame excuses and careless explanations— and no one on the receiving end of an apology wants those.
Anyone I’ve worked with knows the four-part apology—and knows to zip it beyond that. It’s become a secret weapon of sorts that’s helped me better manage relationships and the anxiety that comes from not always getting it right. So try it. Just say, “I’m sorry,” with no strings and no baggage or background. To me, it’s a point of character—that you can humbly and without reservations acknowledge where you veered off course. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
