Criticism is not a sign of failure or an insult, it’s a gift
I’ll just say it: failure and criticism stink. Hearing something critical can be hard and uncomfortable, even if you’re great at taking constructive feedback. No matter how many times you encounter and navigate these forces, it’s not easy to admit that you “messed up.”
But in spite of how frustrated they can make you feel, failure and criticism can be gifts, if you can see them through that lens. They’re challenging circumstances that can make or break your character, and valuable life lessons that you can either avoid or learn from. Think about it: what’s the point of struggling ever if you can’t learn from those bumps in the road?
How Your Ego Negatively Affects Your Character
If you’re a person who values integrity, you likely always hold yourself accountable and take responsibility for your actions without hesitation. On the other hand, if you are someone who values being right, you likely evade blame and deny your failures in order to protect your ego.
The problem with the latter is obvious: it doesn’t help you learn and improve, nor does it build your character. Yes, messing up stinks. But shouldn’t that mean that you want to start messing up less? If you continuously sweep your failures under the rug and blame them on other people for the sake of protecting your ego or trying to look good, odds are you’ll make the same mistake in the future. You’ll be stuck in the same vicious cycle and stagnate your own personal growth.
And who wants to get stuck in a vicious cycle?
Instead, face your failures and take constructive criticism and run with it. Using valuable criticism to your advantage (rather than getting offended by them) is key to building character.
How To Receive Criticism Like a Champ
Many people are under the impression that failure=weakness and criticism=an insult, and that’s why they avoid it at all costs.
But when you deny your failures and deflect criticism as if your life depends on it, you’re inadvertently showing people that you have low self-confidence and that you don’t value honesty.
That’s likely the last thing you want people to perceive about your character.
And while I don’t expect you to wake up tomorrow feeling inspired to shout your shortcomings off a rooftop, here are a few actionable ways you can learn to use constructive criticism to your advantage:
#1. Be Curious About Your Ability to Evolve
The first step to growth is the desire to grow.
You develop the desire to grow when you approach failure and criticism with a “What can I learn from this?” mindset rather than an “I was right and who do they think they are” mindset. Being open-minded unlocks so many life skills that you can overlook when you are convinced that you already know everything.
Instead, have an open mind about your ability to grow and learn. That’s the best part about life: we never have to stay the same. We can grow and develop new ideas and perceptions that broaden our horizons and enrich our lives.
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#2. View Criticism Not as an Insult, But as a Compliment
Constructive criticism is not an insult—it’s a report on how we’re doing and how other people are perceiving us.*
Just as a restaurant can use customer feedback to improve a future customer’s experience, you can use constructive criticism to become a better, more effective version of you.
If you genuinely have the desire to grow, you’ll actually start seeking it from other people and start taking it as a compliment. Don’t you want to know how you messed up so that you can do better in the future?
*Caveat: consider the source. If you are sincerely interested in growing and receiving feedback – critical or otherwise – you will listen to feedback with an open mind. You will also consider the source of the feedback with an open mind and ask, “Is this person’s opinion and perspective valuable? Is it constructive or just critical? Are they a person of character whose opinion, even if I don’t like it, I sense is coming from a constructive place?”. Constructive criticism can come from people you get along with and people you don’t. Listen to the message behind the messenger.
#3. Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect
We’re our own worst critics. Have you ever lost sleep over your performance at work, or ran over a conversation millions of times in your head thinking, “Why did I say that? That was so unnecessary.”
We all do it. But that’s because we don’t give ourselves permission to fail. We expect perfection from ourselves at all times, and beat ourselves up when we make one misstep or when someone tells us we could’ve done better.
Instead, let’s make a habit of cutting ourselves a little slack and giving ourselves the freedom to try things and not be “perfect” at them. Failure is losing the will to learn and try better tomorrow. Keep going.
#4. Say “Thank You”
While it takes immense courage to be criticized, it also takes immense courage to be the critic. A person that’s truly giving you constructive criticism had to work up the nerve to approach you and tell you how you messed up. Would you ever have the nerve to do that for someone that you genuinely want to help do better?
And so, when you receive criticism, say “Thank you,” no matter how awkward it is for you to do so. It may feel counter intuitive, but it demonstrates that you respect the other person’s courage and motives, no matter how you feel about what they’re telling you. Now that’s showing some serious character.
