We all worry about what others think…but that can be problematic.
What’s that you say? You’re never worried about other people’s opinions? You never wonder what your colleague or neighbor or friend thinks about you?
Right…
Maybe you’re a bit thicker-skinned than the norm but it’s unlikely you never worry about what other people think. The reality: we rely on outside forces for personal approval—and that’s making us take everything from how we dress to what we say or don’t say to who we engage very, very seriously. And that’s a problem.
Why Do You Care What People Think?
Society makes you feel like you have to outperform the next person. You constantly feel like you have to say the right things, wear the best clothes, go to the right places, have the right job, and fit into the right social groups in order to appear smarter, cooler, or better-looking than the next person.
To put it bluntly, a lot of us think the world revolves around us and that people truly care about what we’re doing—but they don’t. At the end of the day, everyone around you is fighting the same battle. They’re more worried about their own clothing than they are about whether or not you’re having a bad hair day.
When you fear judgment from other people, you expel unnecessary energy on thoughts and actions that aren’t truly worth your time. You conduct yourself in a way that is completely disconnected from your personal values—from your true character.
So how to deconstruct those feelings and move forward?
#1. Stop Fearing Shame & Failure
When we worry about being judged, we often find ourselves more compelled to stay inside the lines. It’s safer there, right?
While that may feel OK for a while, innovation can’t happen inside those lines. Innovation happens when you push boundaries and color as far outside the lines as you can. So stop worrying and start stepping out of your comfort zone—stirring the pot, even. Go after what you want. And if you fail, welcome it. That’s how you learn. That’s how you build character because failure cultivates humility.
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Criticism can Build Character. Stop Avoiding it.
#2. Try To Be More Vulnerable
There’s a pervasive notion that we can and should want to not just have it all, but have it all together—and that can endanger our personal relationships. No matter how it seems on the surface, no one truly has it “together” 24/7. They want you to think they do—but, really, at some point they slip, fall and, maybe, can’t get back up right away.
And that’s OK.
There’s beauty in being open about your failures, insecurities, and shortcomings—it helps you form deeper connections with people and creates a sense of camaraderie. Knowing you aren’t perfect—and that you embrace it—brings people to you, it doesn’t push them away from you. We want to be human with humans—humans who are imperfect a lot of the time.
Remember, defeat is not a failure and admitting it shows an incredible amount of character that others can look up to and be inspired by. You never know who you might inspire to come out of their shell because you admitted that you’re not perfect. This is especially true for people in leadership roles—parents, managers, teachers, business owners, thought leaders. Show us your human side and we’ll all be more inclined to embrace ours.
#3. Do What Makes You HAPPY
Sometimes, doing what makes you truly happy isn’t the most “responsible” or “reasonable” thing to do. But sometimes, it is the thing that will make you smile, right now at this moment.
A perfect example? A friend shared that, one March 4th, she vowed to drink more champagne. And why not? Champagne makes her happy and buying a new bottle every month gave her cause to celebrate, whether there was a “real” reason or not. Sometimes friends joined her and raised a glass. Sometimes she celebrated solo. Regardless, though, it was a monthly moment to take a beat, take a breath and celebrate—and that’s something to smile about.
The next step, then? Find your champagne resolution—find what will make you smile day after day or month after month. And beyond that, gut-check yourself if you’re suddenly obsessing about something you know doesn’t truly define you, your work or your life.
A bad pic pop up on Instagram? Post a comment about being at your most glam, then laugh it off. Not-so-nice comment on your latest article? Hey, you don’t love everything either, right? You’re just a little kinder about sharing those feelings. Then raise a glass—or do what makes you happy and reminds you that every moment of this journey doesn’t have to be oh-so-serious.
