Yup, it’s possible.
Listen to the news for five minutes these days and it feels about as comfortable as getting a root canal. People are divided. Politics are messier than ever. There’s intensifying chatter about AI robots becoming sentient beings (Yikes!). Simple interactions have the tendency to go from debates to vitriolic insults in three tweets or less.
People are the worst.
But then people walking down the street suddenly save a pedestrian who was trapped under a car in an accident, your coworker pays for a 10th-grade class to see a musical that’s coming to town, or someone smiles at you kindly at the post office when you’re having a rough day, you volunteer at the food bank and are kind to your mom.
People are the worst—except for when they are wonderful. And therein lies the rub.
Yet, the world keeps spinning and, no, we can’t hop off. Honestly, that’s the beauty of it. We’re all in this together. Even when it’s challenging, it’s so important to find ways to live in as cooperatively—even harmoniously—as we can. With a little awareness and effort, we can all do it.
Listen up, people
You have one mouth and two ears for a reason: to listen twice as much as you speak. Active listening is a trusted technique used in counseling, training, and conflict resolution because it builds and repairs relationships. It happens when a listener focuses completely on what’s being said, processes the message, then provides a thoughtful response that proves they understand. According to psychotherapist Gwen Randall-Young, one of the most powerful ways to enhance any relationship is to sincerely listen. We all have a deep desire to be heard by others, and active listening fulfills that need while building trust.
Seek understanding
From politics to religious beliefs to parenting techniques—you’re never going to agree with everyone you come in contact with. That’s totally okay. It would be, wouldn’t it be pretty darn boring to live in a world where everyone agrees with you—how would you discover anything new? When differences of opinion and values become apparent, try to seek understanding. Stay curious. No arguing. No trying to influence the other person to convert to your beliefs. Ask questions of exploration and don’t try to debate. Just trying to understand why someone feels the way they do can spark compassion, even if you disagree.
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Flex that generosity muscle
Volunteering your time with a local organization is not only a fantastic way to give back, but it’s also a surefire way to connect with other generously-minded folks in your community. What better way to practice living cooperatively with others than to do so while doing some good in the world. Plus, studies have even found that volunteering can combat stress and anxiety. It’s a win-win for your social life and your health.
Find common interests
People are complex and full of surprises. There’s a good chance someone you’d consider a polar opposite has more in common with you than you think. Taking the time to find common ground with those who are nothing like us builds community, challenges prejudices, and just feels good. Lead with curiosity about others—people are interesting.
Put your phone down
It’s tough to connect with anyone in any capacity when your eyes—you know, the window to your soul—are looking down at a screen. Somewhere along the way, we’ve all become petrified of being alone with our thoughts, with strangers, or with the general environment around us. The moment there’s dead air, we’re on our phones—even at the dinner table.
Challenge yourself to strike up a conversation with a stranger in the grocery line, or put your cell phone away at work and chat up a coworker you don’t know that well. See how it feels to be totally present in small moments, even if it’s a little uncomfortable at first. Brene Brown said it best: “People are hard to hate up close. Move in.”
