We’re going all the way to Hope.
Though I appreciate the sentiment, all the “good vibes only” chatter, memes, and t-shirts these days are getting me down. They are unrealistic, reductive, dismissive, and may unintentionally do more harm than good.
If there are only “good vibes” around you and you refuse to acknowledge the bad vibes (which very much exist), how do you learn to deal with conflict? How do you acknowledge disappointment or grief? How do you grow from overcoming obstacles?
I think at the heart of the “good vibes” sentiment is something worth unpacking: It’s important to choose to be hopeful.
Life is hard and everyone around you is facing a battle in some form. It’s healthy to recognize struggle so you can get beyond it. Winston Churchill famously said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” He did NOT say, “If you’re going through hell, sit down and appreciate the warmth.”
Churchill’s quote is powerful because it is hopeful, and hope is more powerful than positivity and “good vibes” for two big reasons: 1) it acknowledges the hell you might be in. Yep, this place is hard and not where I want to be; and 2) it illuminates that there is something beyond this current state, that you can imagine something better and move toward it.
When the chips are down, your ability to acknowledge the plight of a moment and still practice being hopeful says a lot about your character. It shows that you have courage, that you are reflective and strategic, that you are compassionate and truthful. It signals to the people around you—your partner, your friends, your coworkers—that you’re a person who is worth knowing because you are present and can be honest about what is and carry on regardless.
The forced positivity of “good vibes only” doesn’t allow us to see other peoples’ attitudes and experiences (or our own) in the true light of day. It shrinks from the courage needed to see when things are hard and chose to have a hopeful attitude in spite of hardship. Hope is brave and creative and kind and relentlessly determined. It can also have a positive perspective and fun.
Sometimes hope can feel like a stretch, so here are a few examples of how to move toward hope by starting with a positive perspective—even when it feels impossible.
Redefine failure.
Whether it’s a relationship gone south or a job interview that didn’t result in an offer, it’s easy to get down when things don’t go as you imagined or planned. But that doesn’t have to mean things were a total failure—there are always gems hidden someplace (and that’s not pounding sunshine; that’s just true).
What if, in the demise of a romantic relationship, you discovered the depth of love you’re capable of giving to a partner? What if not getting that job offer made you realize your true passions lie in a different field? These are very positive aspects of rotten situations—if you choose to acknowledge them. Finding the classic silver lining in unfortunate circumstances helps you reclaim the power in those moments that didn’t work out. Hope is powerful because it doesn’t avoid the parts that were bad, but it helps you see that you can use the good stuff to create your next move.
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Surround yourself with hopeful and positive people.
People who are hyper-critical or judgmental of others or have an attitude where things are “out of their control” do not model what it is to be people of character. They assign blame rather than acknowledge responsibility. They are not insightful skeptics—skeptics often what to get on board once they can see all the pitfalls. The supercritical people who claim to be “speaking truth” are often negativity magnets who have a way of bringing everyone around them down. Misery loves company, as they say. (Try not to hang out with these people much. They are not fun and are usually exhausting.)
Seek-out people who choose and practice having a hopeful and positive outlook about most things can help you achieve your goals, stay the course, and enjoy the ride. Notice them, talk with them, share with them that you appreciate their attitude. It can help you see options and find new approaches to navigating your own choices.
Don’t know where to look? There are myriad meet-up groups and social events. Talk with a friend about being your partner in shifting to a more positive and hopeful outlook. And, in all seriousness, go to the library and ask a librarian. Ask them for the best novels that have hopeful and positive characters. You can learn a lot from characters with character.
In those laugh-or-cry moments, choose to do both and then keep going.
Humor is the great healer. Really, is there any better way to stop a downward spiral of negativity in its tracks than to find something funny about it? In challenging moments, humor has this fantastic way of putting things into perspective. You still have to deal with the challenge, so you might have to be sad and cry your eyes out for a bit. But you know what? Our time here is limited, so if you can find the funny in moments of darkness, go for it. That’s where hope is found.
Spring into hopeful and positive action.
If your mind is being bombarded with negative thoughts, it’s probably because you’re not very happy about something. Good news: You have the power to change it—if you use your imagination and take the initiative. Unhappy in your career? Imagine something different—what could work look like? What small steps could move you in that direction.
There are a lot of jobs out there. Start updating your resume and look for a new opportunity. Struggling to communicate with a family member? Initiate conversation to try and get the relationship back on track. Anchor the conversation to the hope you have for the interaction and the values you share that could make that possible. Use your character to get you through.
You have the power to move in the direction you’re going. Know where you are, have an idea—a hope—for where you want to be—and keep going. Onward.
