Creating Calm with Distance and Delay - A Life of Character

Creating Calm with Distance and Delay

By Kelechi Udoagwu

“The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”

– Seneca

We see it all the time: the mum screaming in road rage, the man who gets in a fight because someone cut in front of him in a line. Usually, we are the calm ones watching from a distance, at least I am, but lately, we have all been in the arena with the angry people. 

Why? You may be thinking. What is going on? What’s with the rage and outbursts? Am I now a negative person?

The reason for the angst

According to this analysis of tweets about the coronavirus, there has indeed been an emotional shift from fear to anger in the months since the health crisis began.

There are numerous reasons this situation may be affecting your personality and making you irritable. One of the primary causes is the disruption to our regular lifestyles and routines. Spontaneity and a life without schedule often seem attractive, but the reality is humans do not do well with uncertainty, especially when it lasts for a long time.

Other reasons you may be easily angered include being cooped up at home handling work and home duties, and doing everything in the same place when you may be used to a more active and independent lifestyle. Worry about job security, the health of the people we care about, countries’ safety, and other social issues swirling in the media are additional triggers.

If this is you and then you feel racked with guilt after each outburst, take a deep breath and forgive yourself today. You are not a bad person. You are facing a normal side-effect of living through a pandemic.

Related Posts

How to Be More Flexible with Your Experience and Intuition to Make Better Decisions

Why We Must Stop To Keep Going

The Art of “I’m Sorry”

 Now, how can we curb these intense emotions?

We can tackle these emotions by first acknowledging that these feelings exist strongly within us, and would burst if we give in to them. We should also remember that we are not these emotions. Acknowledging their presence is a good first step because you cannot tackle what you do not accept.  

The next important step would be to put distance between ourselves and the stressors, the people or things that cause negative emotions. Two ways to do this are: 

  • Physically, e.g., staying away from phones, social media, or a specific person.
  • Mindfully, e.g., meditation, quiet rest, or deep sleep.

You want to create distance between you and your stressors to recover, recharge, and gain insight into the situation and yourself.

When we pause, rest, and reflect, we not only give our feelings time to abate but also gain new perspectives into the issues we are facing, and can thus handle them better, and with more grace leading to fewer regrets or feelings of guilt. Even brief periods of quiet resting (awake quiescence) support our ability to feel and behave in ways we value.

The end of the pandemic is not in sight yet, but we can begin to influence our emotions by giving ourselves a little time and distance to gain new perspectives. That comes with the added benefit of giving us more energy to deal with life and everything that comes with it.

Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash

CHARACTER CONFERENCE 2021

Performing Arts Center

September 30-October 1, 2021
Burlington, Vermont

Connect to the power of character. This fully immersive two-day event brings the concept of character to life through expert speakers, hands-on workflows, and more.

FRESH CONTENT ALERT!

GET ON THE LIST

There’s so much to learn, do, and experience.
Sign up now and stay in-the-know about all things character.  

FOLLOW A LIFE OF CHARACTER ON INSTAGRAM

FRESH CONTENT ALERT!

GET ON THE LIST

There’s so much to learn, do, and experience.
Sign up now and stay in-the-know about all things character.  

COME FIND US

FAQ      Contact      Privacy Policy