By Nancy Hauswald
The world moves fast. Mail moves slow. And that’s a good thing, especially now.
As I write, life as we know it is changing at a dizzying, mind-numbing pace. Our daily routines have been upended. So far, though, there’s one piece of our lives here in the U.S. that hasn’t been affected by COVID-19. That’s the U.S. Postal Service, and I want to tell you why I’m so happy about that.
It’s because once every week, throughout the entire year, with just a few exceptions, I send a card via snail mail to a family member or friends. . .and sometimes, even to people I don’t know. (The latter have included an elderly parent of a friend who’s feeling lonely and a friend’s grandchild who is seriously ill.)
Sending 52 cards a year gives me a few minutes each week to withdraw from the whirling dervish of our lives. In return, with each missive that I drop in the mail, I smile, my mood improves, and I experience a powerful sense of gratitude.
It’s a funny thing. By giving such a tiny gift, I reap enormous rewards.
Sending a card for “no reason”—that is, one that’s not celebrating a birthday, new house, promotion and the like—gives me the greatest pleasure. While writing it, I feel happier. When popping it in the mailbox, I feel a powerful connection with the recipient. It says that I’m thinking of you, that you matter to me, that I love you, and that I cherish our friendship. And who doesn’t love to feel thought of and loved?
When I can enclose a clipping in a “no reason” card, I feel like I’ve struck gold.
When I come across a New Yorker cartoon that I know my dear friend in Tucson would love, I clip it, tuck it inside a card, write a note about how the cartoon made me think of her, and off it goes. In return, I get a few minutes to pause and think about how our 45-year friendship has sustained me in the good times and the bad times. I smile as I think about the laughter we have shared over the years.
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I recently found a lovely little letterpress card that says on the front, “Pizza accepts you for who you are.” That has my old college roommate’s name written all over it. When Donna opens the card, she’ll laugh out loud. When I send it, I’ll smile.
Last fall, there was an article in my local newspaper (yea, I still get the daily paper delivered to my home) about a man from a small town in northern Maine who is internationally known for his skills as a luthier. One of my oldest friends has played the guitar all her life, collects them, and dabbles in repairing them. Eureka! I clipped the article, enclosed it in a card, and off it went to Florida. In return, I got a phone call from a friend with whom I hadn’t spoken in months.
I’ve been on my “Card-a-Week” diet for a little more than three years now, and offer these two tips for enhancing the practice.
1. It’s great fun to keep a “Log of Letters” (LOL). Mine couldn’t be simpler—I just jot down the date I send a card, the occasion (or not), the clipping I enclosed (if applicable), and who I sent it to. Reviewing the log at the end of each year is a total kick!
2. Searching for commemorative stamps that the recipient knows you’ve chosen just for her or him is great fun. My 35-year-old nephew was obsessed with magic tricks when he was a kid, so when I found stamps that showcased a rabbit being pulled out of a hat and a woman being sawed in half, I couldn’t wait to send him a note and remind him of the time I took him to a magic shop when he was eight years old. He still has the card.
In a 2018 New York Times article, Saeideh Heshmati, assistant professor of positive psychology at Claremont Graduate University, said that recent research had studied what makes people “feel loved.” She found that “small gestures in everyday life,” like people supporting you without expecting anything back or showing compassion during tough times, were what participants most agreed upon as “loving.” Since cards require more effort than email, Ms. Heshmati said recipients will likely “feel more loved because you took the time to do that for them.” She added, “It’s the care that comes with it that signals the love.”
It’s a fact of life that emails make our world go round–I get that. But I wonder: Who has ever saved a bundle of email print outs and tied them with a satin ribbon to be saved, savored, and re-read years later?
It’s the little things we do for each other, and ourselves, that make us happy. And who doesn’t love happiness?
