By Jan Litterst
In order to truly understand a person’s inner qualities, we must first allow them to express their thoughts and feelings
This is a favorite question of mine personally and professionally, and it has become more important to me in all relationships. I have learned to listen more and judge less. So often as I work with clients and new acquaintances I find that learning how someone is feeling is so enlightening to me. It is definitely an education because no one really teaches us how to “feel”, and yet we tend to gather impressions by how we feel about someone we are meeting for the first time and on a later occasion. It is quite okay to say to someone “I don’t know, I just have a feeling!”
More than a decade ago, as a financial professional working with families of all kinds, I began to realize that the children in families were often silenced when the topic of money in the family came up. The children were ignored in many cases because their feelings were discounted.
When I began a program entitled “Empowering Families,” there was a different conversation. Everyone in the family was asked to communicate their dreams. A new model of communication was introduced where everyone had a seat at the table. From this conversation, a new found collaboration and cooperation began to form to incorporate everyone’s dream individually to become the “family dream”. Each person’s character, defined in any one of a million ways, allowed every family member to acknowledge and express their needs without anyone being right or wrong. In a very significant way, the separate values developing in each family member to share their feelings brought an understanding and eventual cohesiveness uniting all values and characteristics to be heard and to be considered.
Related Posts
Is Fear of Judgment Hurting Your Character?
The character of the family came forth in a way for all to share their values and their needs. Individual dreams through communication, conversation, collaboration, and cooperation became the dreams of the family.
There were no “good” characters or “bad” characters. There were fewer feelings, even when unidentified, that were suppressed, denied, or deemed “unworthy.” Every member of the family involved felt valued. No one told anyone how to feel but the process brought forth all feelings in an environment where they were heard. Everyone was accepted. The opportunity for authenticity in the simplest of terms allowed everyone to feel their feelings were valid. It brought forward the discussion of the strengths and weaknesses of their feelings, and there is learning in that.
“Feelings” arise in children from values they are surrounded with. Feelings lead to dreams, behavior, and pure emotions such as love, joy, and happiness. I am not an expert on the development of children other than the children I raised. I was once a child, and I know that feelings need to be acknowledged.
I know I was defined with certain characteristics that are still within me. I think I would like to learn more about feelings even as an adult. In the meantime, I know I will still declare “I don’t know, I just have a feeling!”
Jan Litterest founded Empower Excellence to help women manage their relationship with their finances through all phases of life through a customized coaching approach.
