By Kate Lingren
Understanding the IFS Model at Work
It’s a concept that’s as simple as it is complex: Our core selves are made up of multiple parts.
Everything we humans do, from our words to our actions, is an attempt to get a need met on behalf of one of our parts.
These needs are often met in good, healthy ways. Other times, we try to protect our energy in ways that are not as beneficial. This internal struggle is a major component of the human experience. (Other times we try to get our needs met from protector parts that are not so skillful or effective.)
Once we recognize our parts, we can work with them to have better relationships with ourselves and others and access our true character. For more than 15 years, I’ve been using the IFS Model to help myself and other people do just that.
IFS is a Parts System
To understand the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model, think about an iPhone.
Every iPhone is equipped with an operating system. After getting your iPhone, you can download a variety of different apps.
Imagine that the operating system is your inner Self and the apps are your different parts. Each of us has the same “operating system” but we download unique apps to help us deal with the world based on our families, biochemical makeup, experiences, interests and needs.
Our core, inner Self is compassionate, kind and caring. Depending on our life experiences, we have certain parts that are vulnerable and need to be protected. This is where internal conflict can arise. For example, we may lash out at others if we feel threatened or if we sense that our vulnerable parts are being attacked.
As you start to understand the IFS Model and use it to look at your parts, you will be able to work towards acting with character and protecting yourself in a compassionate and calm manner.
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Using the 9 Cs to Understand Our True Self
In the IFS Model, we focus on the 8 Cs of our core Self: Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Connectedness, Confidence and Creativity.
I also argue that a 9th C — Character — should be added to this list.
By truly accessing and experiencing these qualities, we can break away, or un-blend, from the daily rituals and actions that bring us pain or damage our relationships with others.
The entire process of using IFS helps us work towards harnessing our true character. Once you are able to take a deeper look at your parts and understand your core self, you can act from a place of character. You’ll be able to react to what is actually happening in the moment instead of reacting in unproductive ways in order to protect your vulnerable parts.
But where do you start? How do you access your true Self and not feel the need to act defensively?
Humans Can Heal Themselves
In traditional psychotherapy, the therapist can act as the expert on the client. With IFS, the client is the expert on their own system and the therapist helps them access this information.
We believe that humans have the power to heal themselves and harness their true character.
All of our behaviors come from a part that is just trying to get a need met. Once you look at your parts, you’ll realize that some of these parts are acting on a memory (often from childhood) that is no longer relevant. When this memory is triggered, the part that holds on to the memory might feel embarrassed or ashamed and another part will lash out to protect this vulnerable part.
However, once you access the vulnerable part and tell it that it doesn’t have to feel this way anymore, you can heal yourself from this pain.
Once you are free from internal pain and are protecting your energy, you can act with true character. You won’t feel the need to defend vulnerable parts and will be more equipped to face the ebbs and flows of life.
Kate Lingren, LICSW is a clinical social worker in private practice and an activist working against bigotry in all its forms: racism, homophobia, heterosexism, transphobia, sexism, and classism among others. For the past 30 years, Kate has worked in full time private practice. She is a Certified Internal Family Systems therapist (IFS), and now teaches couple therapy using IFS around the US and in Europe. Kate also teaches IFS at Boston College’s School of Social Work.
