But we’re not just talking ohmmmmmm…
Depending on the specifics you’re looking for, the human brain processes anywhere from 40 pieces (conscious processing) to 11 million pieces (unconscious processing) of information per second.* When you’re just trying to remember where you put your keys and make it to a meeting on time while finding your other shoe, either number can be overwhelming. With all that data flying around, It’s a miracle we can walk around at all, much less form complete sentences or do math.
And then there is the outside world. And people are important. So we make an effort to meet deadlines, fulfill social obligations, and get our chores done without completely exhausting ourselves. But doing all of that while trying our brains are doing their level best to keep us going, it’s easier for us to develop routines and shift ourselves into autopilot for the sake of presumed efficiency and conserve energy. And routines can be handy, but they are often established without paying attention to them, without being mindful of how they benefit or impede our development of character.
When we’re operating on auto-pilot, we are not all there—either our minds are there and our bodies aren’t (you’re so focused on writing a report that don’t realize that you haven’t drunk any water or eaten anything all day), or our bodies are there and our minds aren’t (you were caught up in the thrill of going out with new coworkers did three too many shots and forgot about your 8am presentation to your entire department the next morning).
Or it’s more basic: we’re working, but we’re not actually getting anything done; we’re conversing with our friends and family, but we aren’t truly listening to what they’re saying and giving thoughtful responses. And have you ever driven from point A to B without remembering how you got there? That’s what mindlessness—the opposite of mindfulness does to us. And sometimes, it takes the person behind us in traffic laying on their horn as we sit at a green light to snap us back into the present moment.
But there’s a difference between being startled from momentary mindlessness and being mindful.
Why Mindfulness Needs to Be Redefined
That said, the mindfulness is alive and well — so much so, it’s sometimes hard to really separate the steak from the sizzle. The more we share and socialize and chatter about “being mindful,” the less meaning it seems to take on — it’s like mindfulness has developed some big, bold, shiny new persona with people aspiring to it without even being aware of its true purpose. It becomes a commodity, a cool thing to say, a status symbol that could not be further from it’s meaning.
The word mindfulness needs to be redefined and examined through a clearer lens. We need to look at mindfulness as a way to operate, rather than as a bandwagon to jump on. Contrary to what you see on social media, you don’t need to start doing yoga, buy a crystal starter pack, and start burning incense to become more mindful—it’s a lot simpler than that.
Mindfulness At Its Core
Because our brains are so busy processing information—we’re wired to learn from/dwell on the past and project into the future (you know, for survival), we rarely think about the present moment. Being mindful allows us to step away from that habit.
Mindfulness means being aware if and present in this moment. It’s being aware of where you are right now and nowhere else, both in your mind and in your body. It means speaking, thinking, and expressing feelings and emotions without your thoughts being yanked on the past or launched in the future.
It has nothing to do with how many essential oils you diffuse, the clothes you wear, the job you have, or the hobbies you do. It is about how you walk around in the world—about how you live.
Related Posts
Want to Live a Better Life? Be Present.
The Grounding Ability of Character
Living Harmoniously With People Around You
In simplest terms, mindfulness means paying attention to your actions and to the world around you.
Pay attention to the stoplight when it changes rather than looking at your phone. When you’re able to respond promptly, your morning is calmer and you may have fewer people honking at you for you to get it in gear and drive.
Pay attention to your friends and family when they speak to you. This has the benefit of not having to ask the awkward, “Can you remind me what you just said?” conversation and building a reputation as a good listener.
Drive—don’t text. (That’s not only mindfulness, it’s safety. Seriously, this one is in a whole other category that also prevents injury, death, and increased insurance rates.)
Pay attention to your feelings and what makes you feel unhappy, concerned, joyful, proud. Giving yourself and your wellbeing your attention is vital to building character. When you become aware of your emotional experiences, you are one step closer to discovering how you might want to change them.
Do you see a pattern here? When we are mindful—when we pay attention—we avoid so many unnecessarily irritating situations. Because going through the day, week, month unaware of our behavior and agitated by the world is not a great way to walk around—it’s too stressful. It also makes it too hard to be with other people in meaningful ways.
How Mindfulness Builds Character
The greatest gift we can give another person is our attention—to give them our attention. We must understand that while we have places to go and people to see, so do other people. We don’t have to cut them off on the freeway, interrupt them in a meeting, forgetting what they say the moment they say it, or looking at our cellphones instead of the person who is sitting in front of us trying to connect with us.
With the 11million other things that each of us has going on every second, if we make the choice from moment to moment to give our active attention to the person, task, or experience that is happening right now and adopt it as a core operating principle in our lives, we live mindfully. And that is a powerful element of building our character.
5 Signs You AREN’T Living Mindfully
Ok, so now that we’ve expended the “mindful” lingo to include “paying attention” and you can imagine some situations when you might do that, here are a few common experiences that might derail you from your success:
#1. You’re “bad with names…”
We’ve all heard this excuse and used it ourselves a few times, too. Here’s the question: are you bad with names or are you just bad at giving people your attention? Next time you’re introduced to someone, take special care to actually listen when they tell you their name. Then make use of the “repeat their name back to them and use it in a sentence trick.” It works—but you have to start with the mindful part. This will help you avoid the awkward, “I’m sorry, I’m so bad with names, can you remind me?” excuse later.
First impressions stick. Make ones that help you build the character you want.
#2. You’re glued to your phone
Ever been in a social setting and reached for your phone when the conversation lulls? Or, even worse, do you mindlessly scroll on your phone while someone is talking to you? This is a tell-tale sign that you’re not living mindfully.
This behavior says to outsiders, “What you’re saying isn’t worthy of my undivided attention,” or, “I’m bored of you.” How do you think this makes that person feel? And how do you think this reflects on your character?
#3. You’re buying material things to fill a void
Mindlessness often leads to loneliness—and vice-versa. When you’re not genuinely engaging with people and the world around you, you’ll end up feeling disconnected whether you realize it or not. And as a result, you may be inclined to buy fancy clothes and cars in an effort to get people to notice you and feel a sense of connection.
#4. You complain. A lot.
We have the power to change most circumstances in our life (with some obvious exceptions, of course). If you find yourself complaining about a situation you can control, such as a job you dislike or a friend that mistreats you, this is a sign you aren’t living mindfully. Because you likely have the power to change these circumstances. You can work toward getting a new job, you can limit your friendship with this person, but you aren’t minding your feelings and your self-worth enough to realize it and actively pursue change.
#5. You have a really hard time forgiving
It’s really tough to forgive people that mistreat you, and sometimes, it’s even harder to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. When you are constantly dwelling on how badly someone treated you or how badly you messed up in the past, you’re clouding your mind with feelings of resentment and bitterness—both of which keep you from being mindful of the present moment.
When you’re mindful of the way you think, speak, and act, you’re living a life in pursuit of good character. There’s a popular quote by Maya Angelou that goes like this, “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” And how do you think forgetting someone’s name, cutting them in line, and ignoring them in favor of your phone makes them feel?
Be mindful. Pay attention. Give people the time of day—we are all worth being seen. In a world full of disconnected people, be the one that is genuinely interested in the lives of others. That is a key to a life of character.
*Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious by Timothy D. Wilson https://www.amazon.com/Strangers-Ourselves-Discovering-Adaptive-Unconscious/dp/0674013824
