It can be a surprising remedy for panic attacks of the spirit
On a scale of one to ten, how often do you find yourself thinking the following?
1= 10% of the time—you rarely experience this
10 = 100% of the time—I’m having a panic attack right now!
- I am filled with anxiety and pain that stems from the unceasing avalanche of disaster in the world.
- I tend to feel overwhelmed by the expectations life seems to have for me.
- I’m worried I’m not doing anything right.
- It’s often hard to see a clear way through basic projects and tasks.
- I feel like everything is a slog and that I’m just phoning it in.
- I wonder how my old forward momentum turned into stuck-in-place inertia.
So, what percentage of the time are you feeling these things? 20%, 50%? More? Feeling these things can be really yucky. It’s important to be aware of how frequently you feel these things for two big reasons: 1) stress levels affect overall mental well-being—getting some support for one’s mental wellness is a constructive idea, and 2) they can also be indicators that your values—your character—is trying to tell you something..*
You probably remember (though it may be foggy) a time when you did not feel overwhelmed. Your old description of yourself may have gone something like this: “The projects I take on — done. My ideas — brought to life. I’m a doer, a dreamer, and an advocate of getting the job done, regardless of the obstacles. “Mojo” is my middle name!” Any of those things sound familiar? You yearn to feel like that more often than you do now.
But how did so many of us end-up feeling like we’ve lost this vibe? Why are we all so exhausted by working toward what we want and imagine for ourselves?
Those are big questions with complex answers. Every person reading this will likely have a slightly different take on the reason. Part of what’s plaguing us and disrupting our mojo and general joie de viver has to do with character.
What do we mean by CHARACTER? Character is the collection of mental and moral qualities that uniquely define what kind of person you are when we put them into action. It is your character that guides your decisions, thinking, and relationships. Character is your rudder for navigating life. Your character is the framework for deciding whether an action is right for you, or wrong. Your character is how you enact what you value.
When you are attuned to what you value—integrity, courage, kindness, etc.—your character guides your choices. You know you are on the right path, and it feels great.
What it means to live a life of character
Whether or not you have realized it, you live a life defined by your character. Your character reflects your values, what you care about in life. Care is where you gain and spend your energy, attention, and emotion.
What do you care about? Who or what receives the care you deliver? Who do you care for? Who cares for you? How do you care for yourself? Your answers to these questions help you identify and articulate your own character.
Because the bottom line is that your character guides your perception of what is right for you to do. The more closely your actions follow your values, the better you feel: more energy, more commitment, more passion. Every choice you make — what you read, what you eat, what you wear, what you drive, how you speak, how you work with others—demonstrates who you are. These decisions personify your brand, showing the world what you value.
Sometimes our actions do not reflect our character or what we aspire to be. We get tired and overwhelmed, and we can react in ways we aren’t all that proud of later: snapping at a colleague, being dismissive of something your partner is interested in, being bored out of your mind by something your child is asking of you for the nine-millionth time. We are humans living with other humans, and being a stalwart beacon of virtue or upstanding character is probably not going to happen every day.
When we are under stress, habits are a comfort and an easy, no-decision decision. You say you are all about being positive in the world, but you often find that you lead with criticism of the people you care about. You believe that mindful eating is really important but too often grab chips and a Coke for lunch. You say you care about reducing your environmental impact but throw out plastic more often than you recycle it. How can you overcome a habit that is not in alignment with what you know is the right thing to do?
Related Posts
Character = Enacted Values + Time
It’s Cool to be Kind (To Yourself)
Harnessing the power of Character
Connect to meaning.
When you know what you value—what gives meaning to your actions—you can start connecting to your character. Doing things that are meaningful to you will start to liberate and restore your energy, creativity, and self-confidence. Imagine feeling the little spark of alignment that sharpens the senses and puts a spring in your step. When your actions align with what gives your life meaning, your stress goes down and you feel lighter in spirit.
As you move around in the world aware of what has meaning for you, you are doing what is right for you. Your self-confidence blossoms, because you know you are on the right path and you are making the right decisions. You aren’t worried that others will disapprove of your decisions. You have the courage to embrace opportunity even when the deck looks stacked. Less distracted by external expectations, you can be more fully present for yourself so you can power your relationships, your teams, your career, and your joie de vivre.
Set aside the expectations of others.
When you attend to what is meaningful to you, you can recognize and then ignore the conventions and expectations that try to drive you off your path. Behaving in ways you don’t feel great about, being busy for the sake of business, buying a product just because it’s popular, dressing just so — these likely reflect someone else’s priorities, but likely all of not yours. Going along with those expectations robs you of the life that will fulfill your own desires, and fills it instead with stress and frustration, and unending cycles of self-scolding.
Use your own measure of success and meaning.
We have to accept that sometimes the courage to be oneself causes discomfort in others. Think about college or career choice, non-normative gender identity, political opinions, fashion sensibility, research interests, spiritual practice, dietary preference, you name it – if there is something we think, do or are, it’s likely to upset someone someplace. This is why it is so critical to focus on your own meaning and character. Being able to feel that your actions uphold what you value and support your own character is very satisfying — even when it’s difficult. And that is how we might all define success: having a life of meaning, a life that is meaningful to you.
You are in charge of the measure of your success. You needn’t accept someone else’s measure for your life. We are bombarded by advertising which tells us that buying this or that product will give us the same feelings that a meaningful life can deliver. No product can do that. Money and materials cannot replace meaning.
Getting to the heart of character, together
Our culture—meaning the commercial and cultural engines of our society— throws up obstacles to living the life of character. The single, lonely You vs. the millions of people that make up our society is not a fair contest. We need to support each other and celebrate each of our accomplishments as we find and follow our paths.
But the great and weird thing is that we are all in this together. This blog and the events we host can be a resource for you. Whether it’s a webinar or a social media livestream, we can connect and discover how we can support each other as we live our lives of character.
And then there’s the Character Conference happening in September. With keynotes, hands-on sessions, deep conversations and playful exploration we will pinpoint our present positions and map out our routes forward through 2020 and the coming decade. We will identify how qualities of character can influence our work, our health, our communities, and our lives.
We will take stock of how we—collectively and individually—can tap into our qualities of character and, from there, get unstuck and move forward blithely. We’ll ask and answer deep questions, challenge convention, and learn to trust our own confidence and capabilities.
We will see how pursuing meaning, in unexpected settings, can be a remedy for the overwhelm of life.
Set aside Thursday and Friday, September 24-25, for a trip to Burlington Vermont for the Character Conference. For a day and a half, business leaders, healthcare providers, educators, and creatives – anyone who is trying to be a positive influence for others amidst the busy-ness of daily life – will come together, embrace our characters, set our destinations, and march forth with a sense of joy, confidence, and clarity.
Please register to join us on the journey. We don’t want to march ahead without you.
*Resources for mental health support
- Mental Health First Aid—a whole list of good resources
- Suicide Prevention Resource Center—National Hotline 1 (800) 273 8255
- Mental Health America—self-help tools
