The gift of slowing down to be present and enjoy your life.
Commuting isn’t my favorite thing, but I do it so infrequently that, now, it’s become more of a momentary respite from the day to day demands than a major haul from the ‘burbs to the city. So when I hopped on the train earlier this week, I was ready for a little calm — some time to catch up on a podcast or two, text some friends, and do anything but work for the next hour.
Then ping! The sound any working person knows. In a second, you’re transported from peace to panic. And this time, it was especially bad because that ping wasn’t a single ping. It was a double — I’d double-booked myself and, oddly, done it during a time I knew I’d be in transit.
With 10 minutes until I needed to dial in, I had to make a choice — figure it out or start firing off cancellations. I opted for the former…and I did both calls. With two sets of headphones in place, I dialed into both calls, trying to move between the two (recording both, of course) and listening for my name. I was pretty impressed with myself, even bragging to a colleague about my juggling act. Until another ping — this time, an email indicating I’d missed a quick-turn deadline that had been discussed on the call.
What Does Slowing Down Have to Do With Character?
Not only did I disappoint myself, but I disappointed a handful of people who were counting on me. I didn’t uphold nor did I demonstrate the character traits I take pride in, like clarity, responsibility, and honesty. As far as my clients were concerned after those calls, I don’t listen, I forget major details, I don’t follow through—I am unaccountable. These people got a completely inaccurate perception of who I truly am because I wasn’t being present.
In a word: yikes.
Double-booking isn’t a character flaw. But in this case, slowing down, being mindful, and coming up with a strategic, productive solution was the better option—That approach would’ve given me the chance to demonstrate the character traits I value. But that’s not what I did. And in not slowing things down — myself included — I definitely paid for it.
When We’re Present, We’re Better People (and Happier, Too)
When we slow down, we give ourselves the opportunity to give our relationships, our obligations, our job, and even our conversations the care and attention they deserve.
How many of you have gotten upset with your best friend or SO because they forgot a major detail or missed an event that is important to you?
Yeah, me too.
But the thing is, we expect others to be present and follow through without applying the same standard to ourselves. How does this reflect on our character?
The benefits of being present—which means completely centering your thoughts and focus around the task at hand and nothing else—extends beyond your relationships—it’s actually good for your overall health and empowers you to perform better at work and in life in general. Remaining in the moment physically and mentally lowers perceived stress, can ease anxiety and depression, improve your mood, and even make you more successful at work.
How to Slow Down
It’s all well and good, of course, but then there’s the big question: how do you “slow down” and benefit from it?
Start by thinking about your thoughts. In general, your thoughts are based on what happened in the past and what will happen in the future. But when you’re present, you’re not judging what happened in the past or forming predictions about the future. You’re attending to what is happening in front of you, and responding without influence from your past and future thoughts.
Feeling anxious about the future and dwelling on the past is a very human habit, but it’s not an irreversible habit.
Signs it’s Time to Slow Down
With practice, you too can become as present and mindful as a Jedi — someone who slows down and can be right there in the moment. But, before you can take those steps, it’s important to understand the red flags — clear signs you need to take a beat and pump the proverbial brakes. For starters:
- You’re constantly late to appointments, whether personal or professional
- You’re so busy that you forget to eat
- No matter how much sleep you get, you’re always exhausted
- Your outlook on life and opinion of people is generally negative
- You’re messing up on tasks you’ve done a million times before
- You’re constantly saying “Sorry” for missing deadlines and showing up late
- You’re neglecting your relationships and prefer to be alone more often than not
- You get irritated when your friends and family ask if you’re okay
- You accidentally put the gallon of milk in the pantry, instead of in the fridge
- You try to take a power nap, but you can’t because you’re worried about what you “should” be doing
Any of these sound familiar — maybe even a few of them? You’re not alone. We’ve all been there — or are there, right now. These are signs of the stress of speed and indicators of burnout. And that’s ok—it doesn’t need to stress you out even more.
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Whether you said “yes” to one or all of these statements, you can do small and significant things to keep chaos from consuming you, your emotions, and your calendar. And from there, consider what’s causing the commotion and how you can slow things down so you can gain clarity and perspective — two things you’ll need to get to your newer, slower goal.
#1. Clear the Clutter
You’ve heard that decluttering your physical space can seriously improve your headspace—so start there. When your surroundings are in order, it reduces stress. When you aren’t stressed and worried about cleaning up, you’re one step closer to being present in the moment, and not occupied with what you need to do in the future. If you don’t feel like you have time, you do. Take the next 60 seconds and clear a small space on your desk, your counter, or even your lap. You might be shocked by how little space it takes to feel spacious in your mind.
#2: Spend Less Money
When you shop less, you’ll have less “stuff” lying around. Plus, you’ll save more money and accrue less debt. That alone can improve your mindset and curb stress — and feeling less stress about money would be a welcome change, right?
If you find yourself ready to pull the commerce trigger, take a beat and ask yourself why. Do you need this item? Or are you shopping because you’re bored, tired or even procrastinating? If it’s the latter, try and distract yourself for 10-15 minutes — usually that’s enough to break focus and get yourself out of a costly situation (literally). Stand up, walk round, call a pal—that time is yours and you don’t need to pay someone else to use it.
#3. Time Block Your To-Do List
You may think multitasking will shrink your to-do list faster, but it actually does more harm than good. The chaos caused by multitasking induces stress and results in low-quality work. If you’re jumping from task to task every two minutes, there’s no way you’re getting them done effectively. If you’re an entrepreneur or business owner, you likely have 4 million different tasks to complete daily—time blocking is your best friend.
Try the Pomodoro Technique, which calls for 25 minutes of strong, focused work time, with 5-minute breaks in between to help you refresh and avoid burnout.
#4. Listen More
When you’re talking with people, engage yourself in the conversation. Don’t look at your phone—even put it away or leave it someplace else. Don’t think about the dishes you have to do when you get home—listen as though what the person is saying is the key to your peace of mind—because it is. While this may seem ridiculous, when you do it enough, you’ll become practiced enough to to truly listen and connect with people, rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. You can go beyond waiting for your turn to talk with people, and you can actually engage with them.
#5. Drive Slower
We live in an impatient world. When we pull up a web page, we get flustered if it doesn’t load within two seconds. When we order something on Amazon, we expect it to show up on our doorstep the next day.
We’re impatient and expect everything to happen instantly, including getting from point A to point B. When you drive fast, all you do is stress yourself out and anger other drivers around you. So slow down, drive the speed limit, and for crying out loud, just teach yourself to leave on time so you don’t have to speed. (Ant put down your phone when you’re driving!)
#6. Take a Break From Social Media
The average social media user spends almost two and a half hours online a day. Yet, for some reason, none of us have enough time in the day to get things done—funny, right?
Social media can hinder your work performance and encourages you to waste time. Commit to disconnecting, and spend the time you’d otherwise be using on social media to knock out something you’re avoiding or delaying. Even if it’s just a day a week or a specific time of every day, Give it a try. It’s handiest to completely delete the apps off your phone so you’re not tempted to scroll when you have a moment of free time.
#7. Be Smart (and Stingy) With Your Schedule
It’s not just about not double-booking. Don’t feel pressured to accept a last-minute deadline just to please someone, and don’t say “yes” without truly considering whether or not someone’s request or invite is doable for you. You’ll show more character by saying “no” well and with kind and clear boundaries than by taking on a task or obligation that will drive you crazy or make you feel resentful.
#8. Forgive Yourself and Others
If our thoughts and feelings are tangled in a past hurt or unresolved experience, it can hinder our ability to be present in the now. I know it’s easier said than done, but consider working toward forgiving people that have wronged you—even if that person was you. When you can acknowledge and unburden the difficult feelings of resentment, bitterness, grief, and sadness that distract you from being able to become attentive to yourself right now, you can start to experience forgiveness—and what a gift that is to the present moment.
#9. Connect to the Power of Movement
Sometimes it’s simple: just GET OUT. There are a lot of calming patterns in nature that will do good to observe—such as the way the trees blow in the wind, the way that squirrel is focused on nothing else but burying his food, or the way water runs down a stream in one steady direction. And while you’re noticing, just breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Feel the movement and how it can bring you into this very moment.
We demonstrate our character by what we do and the attitude with which we do it. Do you think we’re showcasing our best character when we’re stressed, unfocused, and worn out? Probably not. Do you need to take a step back and notice what it feels like to be aware of this moment right here? What about this one? Or this one? You’ll be surprised by how much better you’ll perform in life, both professional and personal when you make the time to slow down.
